6 - Why Size Matters

Toye Oyelese

Well, welcome back, friends, to The Sphere of Reality. This is Toye Oyelese, and, uh, today I want to start with something that's—well—almost painfully obvious if you remember your school geometry, but it's easy to skip over just how much it matters for, you know, how we actually live our lives. So, let's picture that sketch I keep harping on—the one with you at the center and arrows radiating outward, that dashed boundary line around the outside. Now, if you make that sphere bigger, what happens? The surface area—the boundary—gets larger. That's the bit that's really interesting today.

Toye Oyelese

And, okay, you might think, "Well, sure, that's just math, Toye," but let's pause a second. Where is it that spheres can touch each other? It's always at the boundary, always at the surface area. That's where all the potential for contact, for intersection—with other people, with new ideas, wild experiences—that's where it all lives. The more boundary you’ve got, the more contact points you have. It’s like—hmm, I always stumble with analogies—imagine two soap bubbles. You don’t get overlap inside the soap, it’s all at the surface. Same thing for us.

Toye Oyelese

If your reality—your sphere—is small, doesn’t spread very far, well, you just have less of that surface to bump into other spheres. But as your world expands, you automatically gain more boundary to make contact—more surface area. That's where the opportunities live. So, it’s not just a philosophical idea; it’s, well, geometry doing heavy lifting for us. And if you're someone who tries new activities, or walks into unfamiliar communities, or just, you know, says yes to things you don’t normally try—your surface area goes way up. That’s why those people seem to constantly run into new folks, have these ‘chance’ meetings, or suddenly get invited into something really meaningful. It looks random, but really it’s the boundary doing its job.

Toye Oyelese

Let’s dig in a little more—because I keep hearing people talk about someone as lucky, or, you know, the universe smiling on them with all these connections. But after talking about this simple geometry, it’s almost funny how superstitious we can get about this stuff. It's not luck. It’s, honestly, just geometry in action. When people actively engage with life—push their boundaries, try new things—their sphere gets bigger, their surface area increases, and suddenly they’re running into more people, more opportunities.

Toye Oyelese

On the flip side, folks whose worlds contract—people who have pulled back, maybe because they’ve been hurt or they’re tired, or they’re just sort of… well, hiding out from life—they just don’t have as much boundary to make contact. Isolation kicks in, but it’s not because some gatekeeper is keeping them out. It’s just, mathematically, there’s less of them, so to speak, out in the world to bump into anybody else.

Toye Oyelese

I’ve seen this play out up close. Years ago, I was on my first board of directors— I’ll admit, I was out of my depth at first. I’d never been in a board room, I didn’t know the customs, even kept stumbling through some of the terms—you know, lots of laughter at my expense, and rightly so. But what surprised me wasn't just how much I learned—it's that my ability to do other unrelated things (like running my clinic) increased exponentially. Not because I set out to "do those other things" but because I kept showing up, asking questions—a sort of awkward foreigner who just… refused to contract. It’s not luck; that’s boundary work. That’s just surface area.

Toye Oyelese

So where does that leave us if you want more connection, more of those accidental, life-changing meetings? Well, here’s where I see a lot of folks go off track—they think, "If I just want things badly enough, they’ll come find me." And so they wait, hoping someone will notice them, or knowledge will knock on the door unannounced. But the surface area doesn’t lie. If you stay small, if you shrink your world out of fear or old habits, there just aren’t enough opportunities for contact. No matter how hard you hope, the math stays the same.

Toye Oyelese

The real answer is—expand intentionally. Seek new experiences, say yes, even if your voice shakes, or you feel like an outsider stumbling over all the names. That expansion, even if slow, literally creates the conditions for relationship. The more surface area you have, the more the universe can bump into you—or, I guess, you can bump into it.

Toye Oyelese

So maybe just pause for a bit: Where could you expand your own sphere? What little territory could you claim—something you’ve hesitated about, or maybe something you used to love but let drift away? And—where have you actually started shrinking, maybe without realizing it—pulling back because of fear, or habit, or just being tired? The answers might be uncomfortable, but I think the discomfort is a pretty good sign you’re near the boundary, near growth.

Toye Oyelese

And I think I’ll leave it there for today. Next time, we’ll get into what actually happens when two spheres touch—why encounters don’t always mean connection, and what comes after that moment of contact. Until then, take care—and maybe risk a little expansion this week. I’m Toye Oyelese, and this is The Sphere of Reality.